What Do You Mean I Have Free Time?

 

I've worked hard for as long as I can remember. Growing up, there was always something that needed to be done. If it wasn't mowing the lawn, it was fixing something. If it wasn't fixing something, it was helping someone move, clean, build, repair, haul, carry, or figure out why a machine suddenly decided it was done participating in life.

Being busy wasn't a choice. It was just normal.

Somewhere along the way, I became so used to having a list of things to do that I forgot what people actually do when there isn't a list.

The other day I found myself with a few hours of free time. No projects. No errands. No appointments. No grass that desperately needed cutting.

I sat down in a chair and immediately became uncomfortable.

My brain started searching for problems.

"Should I reorganize the garage?"

"No."

"Maybe I should rotate the tires."

"They don't need it."

"What about cleaning the basement?"

"It's already clean."

I actually walked around my house looking for something that needed attention. I wasn't trying to be productive. I just didn't know what else to do.

People always say, "You should relax."

That's easy for someone who knows how.

When you've spent your whole life working, relaxing feels suspicious. Sitting still starts to feel like you're forgetting something important.

I'll turn on the TV and spend twenty minutes scrolling through channels before deciding there is nothing worth watching. Then I'll end up standing in the garage staring at my tools like we're about to have a team meeting.

Sometimes I think I've been conditioned to believe that if I'm not accomplishing something, I'm wasting time.

The funny part is that I look forward to free time all week long. Then when it finally arrives, I spend half of it trying to figure out what people are supposed to do with it.

Maybe that's just how some of us are wired.

We work hard. We stay busy. We solve problems.

And when there's finally nothing left to do, we create a brand-new project out of figuring out what to do.

At least it keeps life interesting.

Now if you'll excuse me, I just remembered I should probably check that one shelf in the garage. It looked perfectly fine earlier, which honestly makes me a little suspicious.

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